Values: Who am I without __________ ?
I cried a lot this weekend. Last night my husband cried with me. I’ve only ever seen him cry three other times. Even before all this social distancing, I felt like we couldn’t catch a break. It seemed like one challenge after the next.
I am a venter. I like to get things off my chest, but I also have faith that everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that we grow from our hardships, I just really need to complain about them first.
2020 was going to be our year. We planned a lot.
My daughter worked hard and made an elite, competitive dance team. We forked over a ton of cash for private lessons, costumes, competition fees, and regular classes.
My son’s baseball team registered for several traveling tournaments. We were excited to travel as a family to Arizona, Las Vegas, and especially Cooperstown. Cooperstown is a once-in-a-lifetime experience for young baseball players and their families. It’s a lottery drawing, and you only get to go the year you are 12. We were going to make it a big vacation for our family this summer. We would fly into NYC and explore my favorite city, head to Long Island where my husband and I lived as newlyweds, drive to Cooperstown for the tournament, and then drive to Niagara Falls and fly out of Toronto.
Motherhood is so stressful but one of the things that brings me the most joy is watching my kids do their things. I live for cheering them on. Whether they win or lose, I love watching their talents develop.
On Wednesday March 11th I checked my kids out of school. They left with my husband to drive to Spring Training and a baseball tournament in Arizona. I hopped on a direct flight to Paris with six of my girlfriends. About an hour after taking off and excited to have a whole row to myself, my husband texted me, “Trump just announced a 30-day travel ban from Europe. If they ground the plane, get off and come home.”
There was a ton of panic and emotion among passengers. There wasn’t communication from the pilot or flight staff. I really had a sense of what passengers may have experienced on 9-11. But once the plane landed in Paris, we made a quick stop at the Delta desk, switched our return flights for the next day, and had a great 10 hours exploring Paris.
But once we got home, everything got worse. The Arizona tournaments were cancelled just as my little family arrived. School was cancelled and we were asked to home-school. Dance, piano, baseball, and athletic training were all cancelled. Concerts were cancelled. Church was cancelled. Store shelves were empty. Restaurants were closed.
We’ve really been taking our quarantine seriously. We haven’t been anywhere except a few outings outside where we make sure to avoid playgrounds and stay 6 feet apart from other people. I have only been to the store once and we have been making do with what we have. Its not exactly what we want but we are grateful to have food.
I did send my husband to Walmart for a few more essentials after the earthquake. That’s right, after everything else we were experiencing, we woke up to the biggest earthquake in Utah since 1992. My kids were freaked, I was freaked.
Because we are taking this so seriously, its hard to see people who aren’t. Like my entire family who is just living it up on the beaches of Hawaii. Or the thousands of family members who headed to the SL airport to welcome home their missionaries.
I have a really hard time when I am doing what I am supposed to be doing but others are not. Its rude and selfish and puts each one of us in harms way. Plus, it misses the point. We are all sacrificing, so why can’t you?
The biggest thing that scares me in all of this is the economy. My husband is a financial adviser and he has been on the phone non-stop with his clients who are losing chunks of their retirement. Huge chunks. While this is out of his control, he feels responsible. This is weighing heavy on him. He is someone who rarely ever gets stressed, this is so hard to see. This will take an enormous toll on our family, on everyone’s families.
On Friday, I was bawling on my porch swing. He came out and told me Cooperstown was cancelled. They are using the barracks to help New York’s hospitals, what a good deed. But Cooperstown is what I was holding on to and now that was gone too. And then I lost it. Really lost it.
I’m trying with everything in me to hold on. I’m hoping for light at the end of the tunnel. Until I see it, here are things that are helping me. Maybe they will help you too…
1. Funny memes – I live for these. My girlfriend’s and I send out our favorites via text every night at 9pm.
2. A schedule – My kids know that right now its my mom break, I get to do whatever I want in my room (which has a “no kids allowed” sign on it right now) without them bugging me.
3. My faith – I’ve been trying to read my scriptures more and find quotes, messages, and talks that bring peace.
4. Daily walks - Even if it’s raining, I’ll get out and walk alone.
5. Instagram – I’ve been sharing more personal things lately; I have a hard time with “business as usual” when it is far from that.
6. Less clients – Because I was supposed to be in Paris and London last week, I didn’t have clients last week. It was a huge blessing. I needed space to get all this homeschooling under control. I’ve also had a lot of clients cancel this week. While it is slightly stressful because I know they need the support more than ever at this time and it hurts my business financially, its also one less thing to do.
7. Being together – We have had A LOT of major meltdowns. But a lot of great family time. We rarely spend this much time together and it is forcing us to redefine who we are as a family.
8. Reevaluating values – I feel like I have a pretty good sense of my values but as a family we are trying to identify new ones. So much of who we are as a family is attached to our activities, who are we without them?
If you’d like to reassess your values, here’s a PDF download.
Read through all these values. Circle as many as you want. Then, take a break. Come back to them and circle 8. From those, use the pie chart to see what values fit with each life category. Set intentions in each area (or only the area(s) that you’d like to focus on) that align with your values.
Stay safe. Stay home. And remember, we are all in this together.